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Crazy Cat Conspiracy Theories January 30 2017, 8 Comments

I want to believe.

Are our beloved pets secretly alien life forms placed in our homes to spy on us? Are they the masters of some secret government agency plotting to rule the world?

As I'm typing this, the "X-Files" theme song is playing on loop ominously in the background. I take comfort in the white noise as I plumb the dark depths of Internet conspiracy theories. The truth is out there, friends, if only we know where to look.

The proof is in the pudding, folks, and also these pictures. You can't argue with these crudely drawn triangles. But what are they telling us? Stay woke, folks. You can't hide from the all-seeing eye(s) of your cat.

conspiracy theories

It can only mean one thing: Illuminati Confirmed.

If the cutesy kitty act is indeed a front for the rulers of a clandestine organization, who’s to say that cats aren’t aliens sent from the stars to spy on us? The signs are everywhere.

ninja cat

Cats are masters of stealth: always lurking from the shadows, watching our every move, waiting for their chance to strike.

funny cat crazy cat

Not even our sofas, refuge from the world and shrine to Netflix, are safe from their treachery.

cute cat meowingtons

Their information gathering doesn’t stop there. They’re learning the ways of our technology, hacking into our mainframes when we least expect it.

funny internet cats

They’re growing stronger.

Smarter.

They've already begun building prototypes of starships to bring them back to their true home.

cat in rocketship cat in box maru cat

Their attempts to keep us from learning the truth are transparent. But I will not be stopped.

sleeping cat cute cat

Even now, as I type this post to expose their dark deeds, I feel their eyes upon me. Always watching.

war of the worlds

There will come soft purrs, my fellows, and doubt you not, “Not one would mind, neither bird nor tree, If mankind perished utterly.” For then they could take their true place.

cat costumes meowingtons

This is the way the world ends. Not with a bang, but with a purr.

cat treats

The truth is meowt there, my friends. The question is … Do you want to believe?

Written By: [NAME REDACTED]

(Just kidding it's written by Cortney Licata)

Comments

Anonymous on December 06 2021 at 08:14PM

I bet the fast running up and down the stairs at night is some form of SOS to save them from our love.

Caleb Krob on November 12 2020 at 04:33PM

Wow

Cat Lover 22 on March 14 2018 at 10:10AM

I loved this website so much! It was so cool and I think you guys should make better ones! :0

Bonnie on February 14 2017 at 10:44AM

My cat, Kit, goes into stealth mode when I’m trying to crochet in the evenings. She’ll get really low to the ground, and move forward like some soldier scrooching forward to get to the enemy. Then, when I least expect it, she jumps into my lap and scares the heck out of me. She does this after I’ve told her, “No, stay down.”

Ann on February 11 2017 at 08:12PM

I KNEW IT!!!

Caryl on February 11 2017 at 05:29PM

Laughed or smiled all the way through—now I know my kitty Smokey isn’t alone in his mischievous and devious ways! Courtney, you are right on—pawsome!!