19 Tricks Cats Use To Train Their Humans March 31 2015, 0 Comments

1. Cats are able to train their humans to do whatever the hell they want, because our kitties are so damn adorable. 


2. The cuteness is an innate quality they have evolved for the sole purpose of attracting human slaves - as much as some of us would like to deny this....we all know it's true. 


3. All they have to do is look at us and we go a little weak at the knees, because most of the time they ignore us.


4. To communicate their needs further, cats developed the meow. A noise that is both annoying, yet incredibly cute! When they begin whining and whimpering, you'll do anything to shut them up. 


5. The meow is most commonly used to signal hunger or that they can see the bottom of their food bowl. Most often than not, the food bowl is NOT empty...


6. They know that their meows will keep you up - sleep deprivation is a powerful technique! 


7. The theory is that cats use sleep deprivation to weaken a human's resolve....or their just assholes.


8. Cats are also big fans of corporal punishment. They scratch us when we've clearly stepped out of line - stroking them 50 times instead of 49...


9. Sometimes the punishment is completely random - reminding us who's boss!


10. Cats use many techniques to teach us EXACTLY how they'd like us to pet them. Often this involves biting when we make the slightest mistake. 


11. They will often present their tummy for rubs - we just can't resist no matter what they did prior to this, because they are so adorable and soft. However, sometimes this too is a trick.


12. Sometimes cats will sit on top of their humans and demand strokes. Careful though, this is ALSO often a trick - They just want you body warmth, not your love. 


13. Although they don't always look intelligent, cats can seek out our hands directly when needing a stroke or two. 


14. The laptop is a heated pad for cats...not for us to do 'work' on. We best remember that! 


15. To unnerve their humans, cats will sometimes just stare....and stare...and stare...Why you ask? We have no freakin' idea....but it creeps us out. 


16. When a human is being really embarrassing, a cat will turn their blank stares into judgemental glares...This occurs when you are unnecessarily moving or speaking.


17. Cats do little to reward their humans. However, they do purr to signal when you are doing an OK job! We will do anything to hear this lovely sound.

18. If a cat is in an unusually good mood, they may knead you. This is an honour and you should enjoy it - regardless of the pain involved. 

19. Cats are talented human trainers, and with a combination of these tricks they can train us to do pretty much anything they want us to do.